I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wear drunk well.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
