first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize