I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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