I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
