Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
