So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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