In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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