I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
