yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I faked an abortion last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
