I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
