So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
