I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
