You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think I sprained my soul last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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