that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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