He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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