she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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