matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
