Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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