I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
