I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she told me i tasted like america
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You were trust falling into bushes
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