Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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