I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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