AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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