I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
