booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
