just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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