I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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