Got a toothbrush?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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