also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
