I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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