Banned from zoo.
Again?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
