Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
