I bet he comes in French.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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