I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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