i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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