Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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