So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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