just tell him i said nine months
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
