I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
be right there i have to get my cape
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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