Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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