Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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