The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
