1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I will pee on everything he values.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
