You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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