how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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