It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
