it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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