Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize