How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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