Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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