i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
