I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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