well you can't waste a boner
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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