pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
