I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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