I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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