the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
