this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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