ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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