I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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