She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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