life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
