he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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