You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
