Life is so much better after having sex.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had to cum in my sink.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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