so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
