Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize