WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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