my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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