The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
