Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize