you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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