How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
