I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
