If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
