he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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