I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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