Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
