I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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