Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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