you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
