Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
