so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
