there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
COCAINE IS GR8
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
