why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
