I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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