at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
