I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
