wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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