sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
